Crazy Enough For A Journal

[Lovely]

These racing thoughts, these racing thoughts. The never ending racing, pounding thoughts. Thump, thump, thump. It never ends. IT NEVER ENDS. Why can't I just have a moment of peace? What is peace? I can't remember peace. Chaos is my world and I'm comfortable in it. Inside my heart are painful tears and memories I'll never let run down my face. The actions I've made, the people I've hurt. Why can't I stop? What have I become? Even when I'm accepted in way by these group of people, I feel alone and I begin to isolate. It's easier, but sadder by myself. Better by myself. How can I even look at myself anymore? Any destructive behavior just pours out of me without a second thought. I'm a human, supposed to be a creature of light, but I've always been surrounded by the darkness. My whole has been darkness. Happiness is a fleeting thought and I can't remember the last time I've been truly happy. I can't remember the last I've been able to enjoy the silence. I can't remember most of my life, but the feelings are real. The abuse I've been through constantly. No wonder I'm a mess, a loner, a MONSTER. There can't be any salvation for me. Too many sins burned by my footsteps. Guess I'll always be this way and I have to get used to it since no one else will. In the end, we're born into this world as our own being and will die the same way.

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[Lovely]

The cell creaked in the dark of night of her new home. In a flash of a moment the life Lily... no... Lovely, knew was over. All that anger, resentment, and hatred bottled up for so long spilled out along with her Mother's blood when Lovely could not take it any more. Despite the fact that she had been snatched away from a "luxurious home life" Lovely had never tasted such a sense of freedom. As she rocked back in her cell with her knees to her face she grinned with the satisfaction of the kill. Life was changing and she knew it was changing for the better. There was always this little hum in the back of her mind that churned ever so quietly. Ever so quietly. That beautiful sound had finally gotten loud enough for Lovely to be able to hear it. "Kill or be killed..." Yes. Those were the words that echoed within her mind for what felt like eternity. Just took awhile to be able to be heard.

It was pure bliss.

When brought to court to plead her case her lawyer begged her to plead not guilty and use every excuse in the book to justify her actions. Deep down Lovely knew there was no excuse. If she did not want to do it she would not have done it. Simple as that. No excuses, no pity, no bullshit. To her lawyer's face she said she would agree to plea not guilty, but when it came to the moment Lovely interrupted immediately to say she plead guilty. Lovely knew completely where she was going to end up in Prison, well, sort of. Another thing buried deep down inside told her that Prison would only be step one of her many steps forward. A word hid somewhere in her mind. Something that started with the letter 'M.' Somewhere in her mind she knew she was supposed to be in a place that started with the letter 'M.'

In this lifetime there were people that called that place that started with the letter M a Hellhole, disgusting, and wretched. For Lovely, this place felt as if it was where her destiny meant to bring her. After killing her Mother, Lovely, felt as though so many puzzle pieces were coming together. Kind of like some switch that went off caused a domino effect and more things were being unlocked. There were a few things she knew that were going to happen in steps. She knew she'd turn from a blossoming flower to a serpent. There would be a crash in her life that would end the life of a royal. The final step would be to find a higher power greater than herself to worship that would more than likely be some kind of Maniacal Greek God.


Lovely chuckled lightly to herself as she took in her surroundings where she was told she would be "locked away forever."

"Fools..."