Stupid in Love [Dmitri]

[venvolkov]

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[atrb=background,http://i867.photobucket.com/albums/ab236/AxeMar_Equals_Me/Ventablebot.jpg] It was difficult to say that the ruse had been a clever one. It had certainly been a desperate one, if only because the process of securing Anubis' agreement had taken a tedious half hour. In fairness, Ven could understand the Hunter's reluctance to involve himself--given how his recent endeavors of two and a half weeks prior had been--phrased delicately--disastrous. Dmitri had kept his distance in the following weeks--maintaining a cool, listless detachment that was as much emotional as it was physical. It had served as a wordless punishment to both of them--broken only when exhaustion claimed the Tenderfoot, breaking even aversion's hold. Ven himself had become strangely subdued in the weeks following, speaking little, when he spoke at all--flinching at the slightest of sounds, recoiling against the reassurance of whatever surface was at hand--most typically the wall, but Anubis' chest, on rare occasions. Anubis, plagued with guilt, had taken up his post between both Fulsi and Tenderfoot when they slept. However ridiculous Anubis thought Dmitri's behavior around the Fulsi--and he did find it quite ridiculous--he was unwilling to risk further emotional distress for either of the two men who slumbered at his side. Needless to say, he'd been both shocked and pleasantly cheered when Ven spoke up that afternoon. "What's the date?" he'd asked, a strange sort of urgency in his tone. Anubis regarded him in silence for a moment, weighing his words carefully. There were methods of marking the passage of time--of marking off each month. Mostly, however, it wasn't something that anyone was overly concerned about--even less so in the sewers, when the days bled together into an endless sort of sameness. It was much easier to rely on a sort of rough approximation. He spoke up after a moment. "The fourteenth," came his rather perplexed response. Ven's whole demeanor shifted with his answer, his gaze taking on a subtle brightness. And so it was that Anubis, somewhat reluctantly, agreed to go along with his plan. It had taken him the better part of the afternoon of navigating the sewers to locate Dmitri. Once he had, the words stuck in his throat. He was certain the other man would see the ruse for what it was, and hold the lie against him. The problem, however, was that once he'd caught his attention, he found himself at a loss for words. Or at the very least, ones convincing enough to get him to agree to see Ven. He was all too keenly aware of the fact that the longer he stood in silence, fumbling for just the right turn of phrase, the more suspicious it looked. And thus, he blurted out the first thing that came to mind, wincing inwardly the moment the words freed themselves from his lips. "I...came to tell you that Ven's dead, Dmitri. I'm sorry. I thought you'd like to know. I think you should come see for yourself." He turned quickly then, moving in the direction he'd come from, unwilling to let Dmitri see his face for even a moment. It didn't take them more than a handful of minutes to reach his mattress once more. There Ven sat, perched on the edge of the mattress. The earlier glimpse of his changed demeanor Anubis had witnessed had taken full effect. His eyes were bright with a quiet excitement. It was clear that Ven was all too pleased with himself, the reason for which soon became painfully apparent. His hands were folded in his lap, carefully shaped around a small, furred bundle. The puppy squirmed in excitable wriggles against his grip, until, fearful of dropping the small creature, Ven lifted it against his chest, eyes shining. Then, his gaze averted in a manner that was uncharacteristically shy, he stretched the wriggling canine out towards Dmitri. "Happy Valentine's Day, Dmitri." Ooc: Yes, folks. Genuine fluff on Valentine's Day. Go ahead and let slip with an 'aww.' You know you want to. ;D

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[dem]

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[atrb=background,http://i867.photobucket.com/albums/ab236/AxeMar_Equals_Me/Demtablebot2.jpg] Dmitri had just been lingering in the tunnels that day. The date hadn’t crossed his mind, the time was forever escaping him after all and so it was with no particular excitement or purpose in mind that he walked through the sewers. When Anubis came into his line of sight, Dmitri considered turning on his heel and heading off in the opposite direction. The look on the other man’s face was too nervous to mean anything good and even if it was just an apology for that night when he awoke with Venka in his arms, than Dmitri still wasn’t in the mood for hearing it. Yet pride kept him facing front, each step drawing him nearer even as the Egyptian prepared to speak up. When the words left the dark Hunter’s lips however, Dmitri stopped, golden eyes going wide. For a moment he stood there stunned, heart breaking all over again. He should have known. It was bound to happen, the other blonde had been so hurt, after all! It wouldn’t have taken much for him to slip off into the darkness and to wherever the dead went. Then as he watched his friends back grow smaller as the man hurried back to where Ven’s corpse must be, a wave of anger welled up in him. Anubis had let Venka die! His stupid stubborn way of using honey and his awful needles were to blame! He’d let Venka die! The rage was building and Dmitri’s fists clenched. If anything he knew that the accusations his grief driven mind was making were completely wrong, but he needed someone to blame, someone that wasn’t himself. So when his feet hit the ground in a full on sprint, boosted by his speed, there was a dark gleam in his eyes that the Egyptian had never before seen. Dashing after the Hunter, Dmitri caught up quickly, hand coming down hard on Anubis’ shoulder. The other hand was steadily drawing out his knife but then it stilled as his breath caught in his throat. Venka wasn’t dead nor was he alone, rather the other Russian was holding a small furry creature and giving him a look that made him melt. The hand holding the knife slowly came down, stashing the weapon safely into his coat pocket, though as Dmitri passed Anubis to come closer to the mattress, he brushed roughly against the canine shifter. The glare he shot him was a harsh one and it would most likely be a while before Dmitri forgave his best friend for that particular lie. It had just come too close to the possible truth. Turning his attention back to the Russian and the puppy in his arms, Dmitri spoke or rather tried to. The first attempt left him just closing his mouth again, half ashamed and half just clueless about what to say. He hadn’t thought of a return gesture and he certainly didn’t deserve such a gift. Not after what he had done. “I, I don’t understand.” Stepping closer, his boots seeming usually heavy, Dmitri eyed his once victim, once sweetheart, and now something he didn’t quite understand. “Why would you do this? After all I’ve done… “ Trailing off, Dmitri paused, moving to kneel in front of Venka. Hesitantly he reached out a hand to gently give the wriggling dog a pet, careful to avoid meeting the other blonde’s eyes. “I’ve just hurt you. Over and over, I’ve hurt you and yet…?” He left the question hanging, his ability to form complete sentences seeming to fade in the face of his mixed guilt and joy over this surprise. Trying to compose himself, Dmitri focused on the little canine, it’s awkwardly big paws trying so hard to free itself from Venka’s grip. Somewhere in it’s cute little expression, he found the will to finish this time. “Yet you just keep coming back. I don’t understand.” Ooc:FLUFFY FLUFF TIEM

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[venvolkov]

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[atrb=background,http://i867.photobucket.com/albums/ab236/AxeMar_Equals_Me/Ventablebot.jpg] Anubis had not anticipated Dmitri's dismissive gesture to be as curt as it was, and so he took the brunt of the impact as Dmitri's shoulder brushed against his, mildly unbalancing the man. It wasn't a noticeably forceful gesture--just subtle enough that Anubis had to briefly brace the flat of his palm against the wall to steady himself. He stared after him a moment, a frown creasing his brow. His mouth opened, considering the beginnings of an apology, but it died on his lips. It was clear from the set of Dmitri's shoulders that anything he said now would only worsen the situation. There'd be time for an apology later. Besides, he'd achieved what he'd set out to do, simply by getting Dmitri to follow him, for a few shared moments with Ven. Who was he to deny them that? Thus resolved, Anubis turned on his heel, exiting wordlessly into the tunnels once more. On the part of the small canine to whom the two remaining men devoted their focus, any pretense of calm it may have displayed upon the discovery that Ven's grip was not, in fact, going to loosen anytime soon vanished beneath Dmitri's touch. Its enthused quivering began again in earnest, its pink tongue unfurling from its mouth and frantically bathing Dmitri's fingers, its entire back end whipping from side to side with the force of its ecstatic greeting. Ven didn't respond for several minutes, his endeavor to keep the puppy still against his chest flagging. He was all too obliged to set the restless young female down. The moment her paws touched upon a solid surface, she wasted no time in promptly wriggling into Dmitri's lap, her rear planted firmly on the floor as she scooted forward in comical half-inches. Once there, her frantic licking resumed, minute paws planting themselves against his chest as her tongue bathed his chin. It brought a fond half-smile to Ven's lips, the expression still vaguely shy. "Some things are worth sticking around for," he said quietly, glancing down at his hands as they rested in the clasped position in his lap. He was sincere about every word. He didn't bother trying to deny Dmitri's words--the man had hurt him, after all--physically, primarily, but emotionally as well. The more distance Dmitri had attempted to put between them, the more Ven had keenly felt his absence. And while none of those things were likely to be forgotten by the man anytime soon--if they ever were, in part or in full, Ven hadn't been willing to give up quite so easily as that. He leaned forward hesitantly, keeping his movements cautious. While in recent weeks Dmitri had seemed able to better tolerate time spent in his presence, he was unwilling to trigger the other Russian into simply walking out on him once more, as he had so often in recent weeks. "So let me just..." he licked his lips, swallowing roughly before continuing. "be here for you today, the way I wasn't for all your other fourteenths." He crept forward a bit more on the mattress, one hand gradually reaching down to cup his chin, lifting it slowly. And just as slowly, he bent his head, drawing him into a slow, gentle kiss. Ooc: Sugary sweet fluff. >D

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[dem]

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[atrb=background,http://i867.photobucket.com/albums/ab236/AxeMar_Equals_Me/Demtablebot2.jpg] As the puppy made its way over to him, Dmitri shifted his focus down towards the tiny dog. It was so much easier to think about the sweet way the puppy braced its minute paws against his chest than to think of who exactly had brought him the canine. As the puppy climbed up him, the female’s pink tongue darting out every so often for another eager lick, Dmitri still was in a slight sense of shock. This whole thing was so unexpected, so emotionally confusing, and he was sorely tempted to grab up the little puppy and go running through the Sewers again, till he found a nice little spot empty of lying best friends and men who confused him. Yet he didn’t move, just sat there, head titled back so that the puppy didn’t slobber directly onto his lips. Perhaps it was the sincere and almost shy way that Venka explained his reasoning that kept Dmitri there. Either way he slowly calmed down, though revenge on Anubis was still one of his first priorities when the night was over. Giving the puppy that he really ought to name, a brief pat in order to get her to settle down, Dmitri lowered his head to consider the blonde across from him. It almost looked as if the other Russian had moved closer, though Dmitri hadn’t recalled seeing him do it. Though admittedly the puppy had been quite distracting. A slight frown formed on his lips, more out of concentration than real displeasure and as Venka told him his heartfelt request, Dmitri could feel his mouth open to politely refuse. It closed without uttering a single word however once Ven’s hand began to cup his chin. Something in him melted at the Fulsi’s touch, face leaning into the man’s hand and his expression turning a bit dreamy. Part of him cringed, rejecting the creeping feeling of affection and longing for the coming kiss. Still, Dmitri didn’t move as their lips drew closer, even feeling a tiny shiver of anticipation. The kiss itself was all he had expected and more. It was gentle and slow, a kiss full of something that was more than plain lust, something that was closer to love than anything Dmitri could remember. He loathed to admit it and would later be angry and sullen with himself for even thinking it, but in that moment Dmitri thought he wouldn’t mind staying with Venka, being the man’s lover, perhaps even being faithful. A stupid thought, he would think, one brought on by a lusty kiss or something, maybe even his own empathy gone wrong. For now though he was caught up in the moment, arms coming to wrap around Venka, pulling the man closer almost urgently. It was only when the puppy impatiently tried to squirm back in between the two males and onto his lap again, that Dmitri remembered himself and pulled away abruptly. He looked down, staring at the cement floor of the sewers almost guiltily. Reaching out to pat the puppy’s head, Dmitri swallowed, and then with a small sigh he faced Venka. “Just for one day.” A bit breathless, whether or not it was from the kiss he refused to say, Dmitri tried to calm his racing heart. He should just leave. He was only leading Venka further into this delusion the man had of a love between them. Then again why couldn’t he just enjoy the moment? Ven was going to leave soon anyways. A small and yet incredibly mean thought struck him at that and with a spiteful heart, he broke the news. “And only because you’re going to have to leave soon.” Somehow the words both made him feel better, more in control, and so hopelessly guilty. Dmitri regretted them immediately and in his version of an apology, he drew Venka close again, tangling a hand into the man’s soft hair and kissing him fiercely. Ooc: NO DEM. That is not a proper way to say sorry. >>

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[venvolkov]

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[atrb=background,http://i867.photobucket.com/albums/ab236/AxeMar_Equals_Me/Ventablebot.jpg] For the briefest of moments, Ven was sure that the stillness of the lips underneath his own was a prelude to rejection, and he braced himself for the inevitable backwards shove from the otherwise unresponsive man. The moment that Dmitri's arms wrapped around him, however, he was caught up in a quiet giddiness that left him breathless, reeling at the manner in which the other blonde filled his senses. Pressed flush against him, it was easy to fall prey to the rapid beating of his heart--slight, at first, short, nervous stutters that were as much anticipation as the unsettled, sweaty-palmed feeling of a schoolboy crush. It was unavoidable these days--all it took was one look at him and Ven was lost--helpless to avoid the quickening of his pulse or the way his own eyes would light up at the sight of him. It was simple, really. Ven loved Dmitri in a way that he had loved no one else before or since. A small shiver raced along his spine at his touch, only to fade a moment later. The puppy's determination to win Dmitri's affections entirely for herself had succeeded, as Dmitri's attentions suddenly ceased as he pulled away. A low noise of protest escaped Ven, his gaze hazy and indistinct as it searched for Dmitri's, only to settle onto the offending small creature with a narrowed look that was distinctly unimpressed. Not that the puppy seemed remotely aware of the Russian's displeasure as it resettled into the Tenderfoot's reclaimed lap; sporting a look of smug joviality. It was the man's words, however, that stole Ven's attention once more. A slow, shy smile crept across his face then, as Ven quickly lost the battle in fighting to keep it from his expression, swept up in the momentary elation Dmitri's words brought, however resigned they were. "That's fine," he said quickly--perhaps a touch too eagerly. One day, after all, was better than nothing, considering how he simply could have outright refused. The words that followed, however, quickly grounded him once more, with a sharp pang. His smile gradually faded, replaced instead by a look of confusion. Of course, he hadn't been so naive as to believe that he could remain inside of Carna indefinitely--but to leave? His lips parted, preparing to question what he meant. "What do you---?" He got no further before he found himself being drawn forward again. He didn't resist, his confusion and the impulse to ask exactly what was meant by Dmitri's earlier words fading at the kiss. It was one that was returned eagerly, his hands lifting to rest on Dmitri's chest, fingers curling inward gently, lightly bunching the fabric of his shirt beneath them. After a moment, reluctant though he was to do so, he pulled away, choosing instead to bury his face into the crook of Dmitri's neck. "Do you like her?" he asked softly, his voice slightly anxious. In that moment, it had never been more important for someone to like what he had given them.

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[dem]

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[atrb=background,http://i867.photobucket.com/albums/ab236/AxeMar_Equals_Me/Demtablebot2.jpg] For a moment Dmitri simply basked in the closeness of their two bodies, forgetting that he had to tell the Fulsi to leave, forgetting that anything mattered but the soft breathing of the man who he might just be in love with. For years he had imagined this, dreamt of a world where Venka hadn’t died in a hit and run. But never before, not even in the recent days, had he truly believed his wish had a chance in hell of happening. Yet here he was with a blonde haired, blue eyed, angel of a man in his arms. Dmitri highly doubted that he deserved it, not after all the pain he’d caused Venka and would likely cause in the future but for once in his life, he was content to hold him without causing the man pain. One hand reached up to gently stroke the top of Ven’s head, smoothing down the stray hairs as he thought of what to say next. His very brief streak of avoiding hurtful words was going to end disappointingly soon because of one spiteful remark and even the puppy jumping up against his side couldn’t erase his guilt over that. Thankfully Venka didn’t push him, even gave him a way of avoiding the matter for just a few more minutes. “I do. She’s wonderful.” Looking down in a gesture that for once in his life was bashful, Dmitri nelegected to add that he was talking about more than the dog. It was after all, still hard for him to think of Venka as a he. “I think I’ll name her Sayyid.” Glancing up while still avoiding meeting Ven’s eyes, Dmitri searched for the answer that he would have to say next. The dog question had saved him time but it wouldn’t excuse him forever. Besides Crash would have him pinned to the wall and choking again if Ven wasn’t out and spying soon, and while he liked being deprived of air, he didn’t like being corned. So wrapping his arms around the other Russian and drawing him close, Dmitri spilled. “You have to leave. In a few days at the very most.” He tried to be confident, the kind of person he was when he was dragging women or even men back to their mattress, but he fell short. It was as if his heart was trying to ruin any bit of reputation he had left with it’s whimpering and moaning over Ven’s coming departure. Never before had Dmitri hated something metaphorical so much before. Still he struggled on, unconsciously nuzzling the other blonde. “Before you argue with me, listen. They were going to kill you, publicly, and I don’t care if it was selfish or not but I couldn’t let them do that. I've already lost you once.” Taking a deep breath, it was hard to even grasp that he still hadn’t reached his point. Hopefully Ven would take it well when he did. “So I made a deal. I told them that you knew the fulsi Head of Border Patrol, the one that’s the likely candidate for Alpha and then I told them that you’d spy for us. On him, I mean.” Going quiet for a moment, Dmitri swallowed hard. The dog that wriggled between them and then away to jump at his side made a nice distraction from the tension and so he pulled away, reaching for the squirming furry creature. As he cuddled little Sayyid in his arms, unashamed of the significance of the dog’s name, a thought crept into his head that had been nagging him since that day he’d first found Ven. “Can you do it? You love him don’t you?” More than me, he wanted to add. Ooc: Sorry I took so long!

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[venvolkov]

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[atrb=background,http://i867.photobucket.com/albums/ab236/AxeMar_Equals_Me/Ventablebot.jpg] Ven was glad for the moment of quiet. It had been the one thing he'd wished most fervently for for longer than he could remember. The simple act of being held by the man he adored more than life was enough to replace the hollow sense of longing that had plagued every missed birthday, every unanswered letter, each Christmas spent alone. It seemed as if every wish breathed over a candle's flame--always the same, year round, until he'd grown too old to wish for happy endings--much less believe in them--had manifested into something more solid and real than any of the past few months. His eyes closed as Dmitri stroked his hair, lulled by the repetitive motion and the slight rumble to his voice. His lips curved up in a soft smile, and he nodded slightly. "It suits her." And so it did. He could understand why he'd chosen the name; the cliche of dog being man's best friend was less of one in his case. Though he could only imagine the expression on the face of the man whose namesake the puppy shared, should he ever find out. But his easy smile faded as Dmitri repeated himself, and although the weight of Dmitri's arms around him should have been comforting, he found his shoulders growing tense. His gaze lifted, a slight frown forming on his face. His reply was cut short as Dmitri continued on, and the sudden sense of dread that had only been a nagging presence in the back of his mind at his first words solidified into a grim presence. A low, breathless and defeated laugh escaped him. His mouth, which had started to open to protest, closed once more. There were times when the other Russian knew him too well. He waited until Dmitri was finished before speaking again. He knew the real question behind his words. It wasn't 'could you?'--Dmitri, he was sure, had no delusions about what Ven was capable of. It was more of an unspoken 'would you?' The question didn't upset him. Perhaps, startlingly, because he already knew the answer to it. How could he refuse, truthfully? In truth, the Carna were no different than those on the outside. They kept what was useful. They'd spent enough of their patience waiting for his recovery, and had only done so, really, because of Dmitri. How ironic that he owed his life to the very man who had wanted to take it in the first place. Sighing quietly, he leaned up into the absent nuzzles, returning them softly. "I do love him," he said lowly. "But I love you, too. And if doing this will help you..." he paused, taking a breath. "If it will let me keep you, then I'll do it." Everyone had to make sacrifices. And if this was his--if this was the price for staying in his arms for even one more night--it was a small one to pay. "When do I leave?"

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[dem]

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[atrb=background,http://i867.photobucket.com/albums/ab236/AxeMar_Equals_Me/Demtablebot2.jpg] Bitterness was a funny thing. It had a habit of creeping up and crawling into one’s words at the worst of times, like now when Dmitri has trying to spend what was perhaps his last happy day with Venka. But yet it was there, wrapping around his heart in a hurtful grip that made him want to wound Ven in the same way that he was hurting, to give him that dull ache in that place the medical books said a heart was apt to go. Dmitri was almost tempted to laugh at his sudden change of mood but instead settled on a half smile, half smirk that was all fake and all mocking. It seemed that however much Dmitri had expected it or even prepared himself for it, it still felt like the other blonde had taken one of his knives and shoved it deep into his chest and twisted it till everything was contorted beyond recognition. Dmitri had known the truth, yes, but that didn’t mean he had ever wanted Venka to admit that he was in love with two men and not just him. So with that same familiar bitter taste in his mouth, Dmitri clutched the little puppy to his chest and practically gleamed. “Will you? I find it hard to believe that you’d be willing to go that far to help a man that’s hurt you so badly.” Golden eyes shining with a childish want to just hurt, to goad some kind of reaction, Dmitri waited for the answer he was beyond being afraid to hear. “In fact it’s kind of pathetic.” He laughed now, using the wriggling dog as a sort of shield between Venka and him. It was fight to do this, to force himself away from such a tempting man emotionally. Yet he had to. What had his old partner told him? Not to love. Love could only cause the sort of pain that he couldn’t control, the sort he couldn’t heal even with any Keeper’s artificial skill. So it was much safer if he pretended it wasn’t Valentines Day and that he wasn’t breaking a man’s heart, or rather half of it since the other half belonged to some Fulsi man. “Did you really care so little for your other “Lover” that you’re able to go spy on him and bring back information that I intend to use against him and his Ring?” Rolling his eyes and drawing up the word lover in a sing song tone, Dmitri watched Venka’s face for that flicker of doubt he was waiting for. If Venka wavered, perhaps another night in the depths of the tunnels was due. It wouldn’t hurt his heart so bad if he was to end the blonde's life himself rather than to let him go free. “I don’t think you’re getting it, Venka. The man you love is the man you’re going to betraying. He’s Head of Border Patrol now but soon he’ll be Alpha and by now you should know what happens to Alphas around here. “ Dmitri wasn’t done yet and so he reluctantly switched his grip on the wriggling puppy to one arm, using the other to slid one finger across his throat in a gesture that meant one thing. To Dmitri's relief Sayyid didn’t flee him, or at least not far. She simply hopped off his lap and plopped onto the floor to stare up at him. Her tail was wagging and Dmitri couldn’t help by envy how her world was so simple. However he could content himself in making someone else’s world much more difficult. “Oh. And you’ll be leaving tomorrow or the next day. However long it takes you to get ready, I suppose. “ There was no way Venka could tell how much it killed him to say that. Dmitri was glad of it because despite the cool way he said it and the calm expression on his face, it pained him to even think of Venka leaving. The funny thing was that he’d also kill for him to just leave. Ooc: Sorry I took so long!

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[venvolkov]

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[atrb=background,http://i867.photobucket.com/albums/ab236/AxeMar_Equals_Me/Ventablebot.jpg] For a tense moment, Dmitri's harsh words sent him reeling. The spite behind them, and the steady gaze that only seemed to mock him drove him forcibly from the place of contentment he'd found himself in only minutes before. He jerked as if slapped, blue eyes wide with the unexpected shock of it. They quickly darkened, however, underneath Dmitri's relentless tirade. For a second--only a second--his words did exactly what the other man had hoped. They bit into him with a cold sort of fury, leaving only a numb feeling of dread settled in the pit of his stomach. He swallowed roughly, desperately doing his best to hold onto his composure. To not let the other man see just how his words tore at him, grinding the heart he'd freely given underneath his heel. To give no hint of how the words conflicted him, shaking the feeling that everything in his life that had felt good and right was being torn away from him. But then, he thought wryly, hadn't his life always been that way? He was ashamed of himself the second the question surfaced. For a second, his eyes met the cold gaze of Dmitri's, and the answer to that question rushed through him like a physical blow. No. That 'no' very quickly became his answer to the game Dmitri was playing. His gaze hardened for a moment, and without thinking, he lunged forward, catching Dmitri by the shirt and jerking him close. The motion was firm and controlled--enough, he hoped, to mask the shaking of his hands. His fingers knotted in the fabric of his shirt, holding him in place. There was nothing violent or particularly angry about the gesture--quite the opposite. He only wanted him to listen. To hear him--truly hear him--for the first time in what felt like years. He didn't want to hurt Adam. He loved Adam, with all the fierce adoration as he did the man before him now. Losing either wasn't an option. And if he had to make the choice between allowing Adam to live, and letting Dmitri go, it would be one he'd make without hesitation. It would kill him, in some ways. Break the fragile and precious thing--the hopeless thing--he seemed to become around the other Russian. Dmitri was his first love. The sort of love he'd convinced himself would be--was--forever. But in many ways, Adam had become the same. Shaking the thoughts aside for the moment, he brought his lips to Dmitri's ear. "I know what you're doing, Shikov. Or did you really think it'd be that easy?" His hands came up to tangle in his hair then--forcing him to remain still even as his fingers gently brushed through his hair, against his scalp in soothing, apologetic gestures. "Listen to me. Really damn well listen, because I'm getting sick of repeating myself. When I was three, you were my entire world. When I was five, I fell in love for the first, and what I firmly believed was the last time. My mother laughed at me. She said I was too young to understand those kinds of feelings. Really, though, she was just scared. Scared of what would happen if we--if I didn't stick to her agreement. But at five, you were it. Do you know how many people waste their lives looking for that same feeling?" He took a shuddering breath then, relaxing his grip. "When I was eight. I wrote you letter after letter. I didn't understand why you wouldn't answer. I wanted you to know where I was. That I was sorry. That I was terrified I'd done something wrong, and that was why you wouldn't write. When I was sixteen, I still thought about you. When I was nineteen..." His voice faltered for a moment, a wry smile falling into place. "I met a man named Adam. He filled the part of me that went missing when you did, and because I didn't think there was any way I'd ever be able to be with you again--I fell in love with him." He drew away then, staring at him steadily as he drew his arms around himself, unaware of the fact that he was shivering. "Do you have any idea what it's like?" he asked finally, his voice a whisper. "To spend years wanting something so badly, but knowing it can't ever be yours, and knowing that, in a lot of ways, it's your fault? I never meant to complicate things, Dmitri. But I can't help how I feel about you. Both of you. But don't you ever, ever sit here and spit in my face, because you think any of this means that I don't love you less. That I ever stopped loving you. Or that I'll let you push me away because it's easier for you, even if it's killing me. And you're too goddamn selfish to see that." He was silent for a moment, breaths coming faster, rasping harshly in his throat as he glared at him. "So yes, dammit, I'll do this for you. And if you still don't understand why, then you weren't listening." He got to his feet then, albeit clumsily. He found it difficult to meet his eyes after that, and so, as he stepped over and around him, he paused only briefly. "I'll only need a day." Ooc: ...Well snap, son. >> See? Seeeee? Ven does have another side to him, guys.

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[kitsune]

Alas, ladies and gents. This particular saga of Vem has concluded. Please archive this thread. <3