Neat Little Boxes [Damian]

[Weston Ito]

Wes stared down at the street hundreds of feet below. It made his stomach queasy to look at it, ironically he thought. At the same time, it was calming to be up so high, so distant from most of his ringmates. He sat on the edge of the raised edge of the roof and watched a few of them come and go from the Gospel Complex, looking like ants from this height. The specks gathered outside, and then headed out in a line, marching toward the far-off border to the south. A patrol, he assumed, and watched them until they fell out of sight. Weston sighed and softly kicked his legs against the side of the building. He supposed he must have looked like a mad man to some, but he loved to be out there on the edge. It felt like his own little space, the perfect place to clear his mind. He liked to think of the wind sweeping by and taking all of his negativity with it, whisking the invasive thoughts right out of his head. It was hard enough to survive here on a good day, so Wes did his best to keep looking on the bright side of things; any less and he could be one of those poor saps who were lost in their own heads and ran into a virus, or an enemy patrol. He had to remain focused and disciplined every day; he would allow himself no less. Danger aside, he knew that if he allowed himself to start feeling sorry for himself or the life he would have had, that he would spiral into a pit that he couldn’t pull himself out of. So instead, he tucked those feelings away and tried to remember where he was. This wasn’t home. Some of his Ringmates seemed to think so. He saw them joking around, making friends, having fun. What the hell was fun in a place like this? How could this have become normal? Part of him envied them. Maybe it was better to get used to it; there was no getting out again, but at the same time, wasn’t that what they wanted? Wes wasn’t about to let the Keepers forget who he was. Weston Ito, dancer, artist on the stage, a rising star and a human being. Not a number, or a subject file. Making matters more complicated however, was one person who refused to fit into Weston’s neat little boxes of ‘out there’ and ‘in here’; Damian. Wes groaned, knowing that he’d have to deal with the situation again sooner rather than later. There had to be some way to prepare for it, to brace himself emotionally so that he could stick to his categories. Whatever was then was then, and what’s now is now, he told himself. That’s what he would have to say. Damian in here was not the Damian he knew out there, and Wes hoped that perhaps he would be able to keep them separate. He had to remain objective, or it could mean his survival was at risk.

[Damian Russo]

One week passed since Damian encountered Weston for the first time in so many years. Every single day within those seven days Damian stuck by Redd's side while he recovered. On the final day when Redd fully recovered the Fulsi Head of Border Patrol told his older brother everything that transpired. Right away Damian expected Redd to completely be on his side to support everything he did. As they say expectations lead to disappointment. Instead, Redd called him an idiot for being such an ass and told him to apologize to Weston. Definitely was not what he wanted to hear, but Damian knew his older brother was right. Redd made him promise to fully apologize to Weston and with much reluctance Damian promised to do so. After asking around if anyone had seen where Weston was it took awhile before someone pointed him in the right direction at the building Weston was located. When Damian entered the building all he wanted to do was run away. Confronting Weston again made Damian's heart ache by bringing up feelings of guilt, fear, and desire. Taking a deep breath Damian talked himself down to relax himself to be man enough to be a man of his word. The buildings in the Gospel Complex were huge so walking twenty stories high gave Damian a chance to go over mentally how he would apologize to Weston. Nothing sounded good so he just prayed everything would turn out decently well. Reaching the top of the building he stood in front of the door leading to the roof top where he was told Weston was spotted last. For two minutes he stood there with his hand on the door handle pumping himself up to have the courage to go out there and face him. Despite his best effort to enter the rooftop the aging door creaked extremely loud that would catch anybody's attention. "Hey," he said quietly walking toward Weston with his hands in his pockets while mostly looking at the ground instead of at Weston directly. He did not want to stand close so he stopped a good five yards away. "Are you okay after what happened," he awkwardly asked in a tone that clearly showed how uncomfortable he was feeling. Damian already began regretting this decision to talk to Weston.

[Weston Ito]

The loud, groaning creak of the door snapped Wes out of his thoughts. He cast a glance over his shoulder and sighed, recognizing the one person he least wanted to be standing there. Speak of the devil, he thought, and cautiously swung his legs back over from the edge and onto the roof. He stood up on the raised ledge and turned to face Damian, making no acknowledgement of how dangerous and foolhardy he must have looked with his back turned to the twenty-story drop. “Damian,” Wes greeted him coolly, eyes trained sharply on the man who wouldn’t meet his gaze; he was sure that Damian could feel it however, boring into him from yards away. He took a moment to consider Damian’s question, and began pacing along the edge of the roof. Remember, be objective, Wes reminded himself. “Am I okay?” he repeated, taking another long moment to muse on it. “Hmm well, that depends. It seems to me like you’re asking to make yourself feel better about how you acted,” he suggested, stopping his pacing to face Damian and cross his arms over his chest. “If that’s the case, of course, yes. Think no more about it.” Wes spoke calmly, though his voice was laced with a hint of venom. He wasn’t about to make Damian feel better without a proper apology. At the same time, he was okay if he never got an apology and no longer had to deal with the Head of Border Patrol. “I came up here to think, so if you’re finished…?” Wes nodded at the door and turned around to stare over the edge of the building and at the ground below.

[Damian Russo]

Stuck listening to Wes talk back with a rude tone made Damian grind his teeth and make his hands tighten into fists at the side of his body. To swallow his pride to make an apology only to have it thrown back at him brought up old anger. Many thoughts raced through Damian's head as he was unsure on how to respond. First reaction for Damian was to snap back at Weston, but he persisted on trying to be the bigger person this round. "Maybe I did come up here to feel better. So what? I deserve closure just as much as you do." At first Damian almost decided to turn around to leave as Weston suggested. Sadly for both of them Damian is just as stubborn as ever. "No, I am not finished," he yelled unexpectedly. The plan was to be calm, cool, and collected, but it was becoming too difficult for the Head of Border Patrol. "For the way I reacted to you in the Medical wing I fully admit to being wrong which I am truly sorry for. You did not deserve that in anyway." Damian glared at Weston while flipping his hair back out of his face. "On the other hand, I'm not sorry for being angry. I can't believe you don't feel any remorse for the way you reacted to me before getting stuck in this shitty rathole of a place!" After all that yelling Damian noticed how dangerously close Weston was standing at the edge of the building. Even past the resentment that continued out through all these years Damian did not want Weston to kill himself. Seeing how West was on the verge of tipping over unsettled him. "Can you please be a man and get off that ledge so we could talk face to face? No need to make yourself look taller than you are." Damian just wanted to get all this apologizing crap over with. Getting emotional grossed Damian out. The t's are crossed and the i's are dotted. He was done.

[Weston Ito]

This is not how he wanted to spend the day. Weston groaned as the conversation turned to the past, as he was sure it was going to. “That was ages ago,” Wes answered, continuing to pace the ledge. “We were so young and I was scared and confused…” The separate little boxes Wes was trying to construct for his feelings about Damian were crumbling already; How was he supposed to steel himself and strengthen the walls if Damian was just going to show up and knock them down again? Wes turned and looked back at Damian, and for a moment felt the shame and regret from years before bubbling up. He watched his face carefully and seemed to confirm that the only thing he was mad about was the rejection; there was no sign that he knew that Wes had gotten them both thrown in here. Wes wanted to keep it that way, for his own sanity in the Ring, and the best way he could figure how was to simply keep his distance from Damian. “I just… I can’t handle this right now,” Wes answered, covering his eyes and taking a deep breath. He just wanted to get out of here, or at least get Damian to stop dredging up the past, at least for now while he was once again, scared and confused. Without thinking of the consequences, he stepped off the ledge and was gone over the side of the building. The fall was intense and Wes felt his heart pounding out of control as he plummeted a hundred feet or so, and then suddenly shifted. His wings snapped open and caught the air beneath them, sending Wes soaring back up into the sky. With a few flaps of his wings, he was back up above the building. He circled around and quietly landed back by the door to the stairs. He shifted back and put one hand on the door, prepared to sneak back through it, when it groaned loudly again at the slightest touch. So much for sneaking, then, he thought.

[Damian Russo]

It became more irritating when Weston's response to him in to way took responsibility for what happened. Even though it had been such a long time ago seeing Weston made it all seem like he never left. "Scared and confused? That's all you have to say to that? Seriously?" Damian planned for this to be a simple conversation between the two of them. Deep down the Head of Border Patrol had an ulterior motive hoping that if he apologized for his behavior that Weston would apologize for the past. Expectations lead to disappointment as they say and disappointment seriously pissed Damian off. When West wouldn't come down from the ledge Damian repeated, "Enough. Come on. Get down here." As quickly as he could Damian tried to get to West before falling off the ledge.. Damian's eyes widened in horror as he watched the man he still had feelings for drop from the top of the building. "Oh my God," he yelled at the top of his lungs as the realization of what just happened sank in. He didn't have the nerve to look over the edge to see the gore below. Overwhelmed with emotion he dropped to his knees and grabbed tightly at the root of his hair. Tears slowly ran down his face over the torture that just fell onto him. No matter how hard he tried to move he felt paralyzed into that position. "I'm sorry," he softly said to himself. The obnoxious groan of the door behind him caught his attention. With just enough strength he managed to put his arms down and slowly turn around to spot Weston. Pushing himself off the ground he walked straight torward Weston. When West tried to leave Damian slammed the door shut before he had the chance to leave. Damian wrapped his arms around West in a tight hug while resting his head on top of Weston's. "That was cruel..."

[Weston Ito]

Wes’s eyes darted to Damian as the door groaned, and sure enough, the other man was staring straight at him, his eyes red and tear-streaks running down his cheeks. Guilt nagged at him for a moment as he recognized the fear and pain he’d just caused unwittingly; emotion that Wes didn’t even know Damian could muster up when it came to him. Damian began walking toward him and now it was Wes who was frozen in place under his intense stare. He wanted to run, he had the chance to yank the door open and make a break for it, but he didn’t. He just stood there until suddenly Damian was there, his arms wrapped tightly around him. Wes let out a surprised noise, not really any word in particular, but a sort of involuntary gasp. It took him a moment to take in what was happening, but once he was past the shock, he realized that this was something they hadn’t had in so long. Though he wouldn’t admit it out loud, it felt good to hug Damian after so many years. Wes wrapped his arms around Damian and hugged him in return. Something stirred in him as he stood there, feeling safe in his friend’s embrace. No, there could be no feelings here, he reminded himself. They could be civil, friends maybe, but that was all. “I’m…I’m sorry,” He finally said after a long, heavy silence. “I just don’t know how to feel around you,” he added quietly before he could keep it from slipping out. Emotional honesty? What had come over him?

[Damian Russo]

Holding Weston in his arms Damian felt paralyzed in place. His arms wouldn’t move, words wouldn’t come out, and it felt really good to be this close to Wes. It felt as if an eternity went by with him locked in place. In reality it was only twenty seconds. Finally having the strength to Weston go Damian wiped the tears from his eyes and used both hands to pull his hair back while taking a deep breath. While looking at Weston in front of him Damian continued to focus on his breathing for the anxiety to fade away. Before being able to speak Damian looked down at the ground because he felt he couldn’t look Wes in the eyes and put his hands in his pockets before saying anything. “I truly am sorry for the way I treated you. Maybe in time we can slowly become friends again like how we used to be.” In the back of his head Damian knew going back to how they used to be was never going to happen. The cat was out of the bag and unexpectedly those feelings of wanting Weston refused to go away. Looking to the side now he continued. “Thank you for taking good care of Redd. He’s doing a lot better now.” Despite not looking at Weston anxiety started to overwhelm him and that fight or flight instinct kicked in. Suddenly he opened the door right after thanking Weston and bolted down the stair well without allowing Weston a chance to respond. “Sorry,” he whispered to himself as he tried to get out of the building as fast as possible. Damian was fully aware what he was doing was extremely cowardice. Once again Damian continued to run away from his emotional problems. This time it became a lot more literal. “I’m so sorry…” he said to himself again as he ran out the entrance of the building heading straight to Redd’s place to hide away for a little bit.

[Weston Ito]

Wes felt the warmth of Damian’s embrace fade away a few moments after the hug ended. The space between them grew cold and Wes found himself wishing for the warmth of his friend’s touch again. Damian apologized and he could only stand speechless, staring at him with his lips half-parted. He wanted to say something, but he didn’t know what could fill the void of heavy space that hung between them now. In a way, it was a relief when Damian turned and darted back down the stairwell. Wes watched the door close and then slowly walked back to his thinking-space on the building’s ledge. His mind was a fog, and he was a little bit overwhelmed. It seemed he had much to think about again. Friends. Maybe they could be friends. ooc; END THREAD