welcome to your new hell, Welcome to the Menagerie. Or as we like to call it, Dome Sweet Dome! We are an eight-year strong futuristic shapeshifter and sci-fi creature roleplay, dedicated to bringing you a world unlike any other; a world in which your character has become an experiment and must fight for survival in a domed city, cut off from the rest of the world. Choose to be any animal in your fight for survival in an artificial world built by the Keepers as they subject you to experiments beyond your control. Choose to wander the world inside the walls alone, as a Rogue, or find safety in numbers in one of the groups known as Rings. How will you survive?
60 - 65 ºF
blustery with scattered showers spotty sunshine
YEAR 2309
shift bans.
» Cougars (aka Puma, Mountain Lion, Panther)
» All Tiger Species
» All Lion Species
» All Wolf Species
» African Leopards
group bans.
none.
encouraged !
FEMALE CHARACTERS! create a RETRO or ANTHRO and get 250 CP + a free skill! read me for more info!
last updated: april 19th, 2016
Click on each Ring or Retro group image to view their ranks!
GROUP UPDATES
CARNARING
Jocelyn Edelwolfe is the new Alpha! Seija Mulviene is the new Beta, and Grey is the new Delta. Lead Hunter is now Boone Haywood, Head of Border Patrol is now Noelle Ndango!
FALLENRING
-
FULSIRING
Fulsi has a standing treaty with the Nakoma, granting limited access to their fresh water.
NAKOMA TRIBE
-
ANALOYA PRIDE
a while back, the Analoya suffered a suspicious poisoning of their river, luckily with few casualties; the Bellator are suspected of having taken part in it, and there are whispers that Pride leader Wanderer is talking alliance with the Nilda for access to their clean water.
BELLATOR HERD
As new leader of the Bellator, Loril has instituted some rank changes. See this thread for more information!
LAWAII FLOCK
no updates!
NILDA PACK
no updates!
CARNARING QUICK STATS
ALPHA -- Jocelyn Edelwolfe, Clouded Leopard, played by IronChild
BETA -- Seija Mulviene, Spotted Hyena, played by Seija-chan
DELTA --Grey, Mackenzie Valley Wolf, played by Kriss
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The weather had begun to warm up nicely, and Akane was enjoying the heat of the silt beneath her paws. Striking out across the sand as a red streak, the lithe twin-tailed fox made short work of the distance, bounding up to the top of a large dune. There she stopped, light grey eyes fixated on a form below half covered by the ruddy grains.
Her black nose sampled the air as the wind gusted the foreign creature’s scent, sharing intell. She could not smell a Ring on him (though granted, she was still new at separating them) but he did smell of Keepers. Slan had cautioned her about approaching new comers as well as members of other rings. Often, they could be unpredictable …
With restraint and care, the little fox crept up to the man in the sand. He was unconscious, but seemed to be breathing regularly. When she drew close, she shifted – stepping into the form of a slight girl with long, wavy brown hair and the same eyes as the fox she had been a moment before.
Leaning down, she flicked her hair behind one shoulder and gently tilted his head so that she might see his face. He was not much older than herself, and he had a black eye. She sank to her knees in the sand, and shook his shoulder. After several moments he opened green eyes blearily and she watched him wearily as he propped himself up.
“Where am I?” he asked as he struggled to focus. The sun seemed too bright for him, and he swayed a bit even sitting. What should she do? What did Slan do for her?
The afternoon saw Akane cresting the hill toward home. Slan had beaten her there, and sat watching the horizon through the open train-car door. Reaching earshot, Akane hollered a hello and offered a large smile.
”How’s it goin?” she asked brightly, a tad out of breath. Though he had not said it directly, Akane had gotten the feeling pretty clearly that Slan expected her to be back in camp before dark every night. Always one to choose her battles, Akane simply did what he did not quite ask to save him the worry.
Without waiting for an answer, she unbuttoned the top part of her coral shirt, exposing the scaled skin beneath it. ”Look who I found!” she said in combination of pride and excitement.
When the man she had found in the desert had recovered enough to hold a conversation, Akane learned that his name was Richard and that he could shift into a snake. Still exhausted from his ordeal, she had suggested he shift and offered to carry him back home.
There he was: a diamondback rattlesnake coiled himself about Akane, almost six feet in length - and now his head poked out of her collar, his tongue flicking the air to smell the new surroundings.
In the evenings Slansky had taken to waiting for his vulpine friend before going to receive rations, or to attend one of the fires that were held nightly to cook them. Maybe he was just procrastinating the social aspect of it, or maybe he genuinely cared that she came back safe. With his cool expression, it was hard to tell anything aside from the fact that he was already irritated.
It had been a long day. There had been nothing but chaos since Skye's death, and he was waiting for the Ring to resume its normal schedule, but that didn't seem probable any time soon.
His thoughts trailed off as Akane's silhouette became visible over the hill. He gave her an arched brow and then a bit of a scowl, both of which conveyed the same thing; took you long enough. Being that he was starving, Slansky was about ready to usher her off to dinner, small talk be damned.
As she often did, Akane had other plans. He knew immediately something was up. How's it goin? And then, with hardly a breath between; Look who I found!
Slan swore, in a combination of Czech, Russian, and finally English. "Christ, Akane! That's a rattlesnake! Its poisonous!" He though that was obvious? Not obvious enough, apparently! His eyes were wide, and he kept his gaze on the snake. Does she not have common sense? Who the hell finds a rattlesnake and decides to catch the damned thing? Akane does! My roommate, Akane Husher, brings snakes home!
The more primal side of him wanted to turn tail and run. It made Slansky extremely nervous to look in the beady eyes of the serpent, and he shifted his weight from foot to foot. Finally, trying to evaluate the situation, he kicked the floor and ran an exasperated hand through his hair. "Move slowly. Take it off of your neck. Its probably going to bite you, and then I'll have to kill it and find a medic to heal you--"
As he said it, the snake's tail flicked in the telltale sound of a rattler. Slansky visibly blanched.
Akane’s first reaction to his anger was extremely tactful as it was also … anger, but she bit it back and gave a wolfish grin. She knew he was a rattlesnake, who didn’t know rattlesnakes were poisonous? Her anger simmered into light irritation. Richard had been so cold on the way back from being so weak he had wrapped himself over every part of her to keep warm.
Move slowly … she couldn’t stop her eyes from rolling and she took a deep breath to calm herself. Richard’s tail had started rattling (the reason they were called, ‘rattlers’) and Akane took another breath. She knew two things: One, that Richard would not harm her … he was a nice guy, and two that Slan would SO kill him – possibly before she could do anything about it. Right. Plan.
Her voice was soothing as she whispered into her shirt, and the snake quieted then moved foot after foot of coiled scales until he was on the outside of her shirt, and shifted into a man in his early twenties, arms stretched around Akane’s shoulders for support. "Baka ka," she grumbled almost inaudibly.
Green eyes watched Slan as he breathed hard, and even though he was weak there was an air of protection he gave off. Short blonde hair was darkened with sweat as he swayed even with the support from Akane (who almost fell over).
Akane said nothing, only arched a brow at Slan then lifted a corner of her mouth with satisfaction. Well? her expression clearly said. Don't you feel a little stupid? What do I do with him now? Hellooo?
Akane's grin immediately put Slan's teeth on edge. The fact that she mumbled something in Japanese turned his concerned expression into a scowl. He had begun to notice that when she spoke in that tongue it was either a result of exhaustion, or she was cursing. "Let it bite you, then," he said, searingly, and crossed his arms.
At that second, the rattlesnake decided to shift into a rather handsome young man. Slan still wasn't used to that. He saw an animal, and he thought it was an animal (at least if it looked like it belonged in a desert). Now he realized why Akane had been so irritated, and her expression made him stare at her. Hard. He had gone very still and quiet upon the realization that Akane was not in any prominent danger, but his dark eyes were assessing her quietly, and dispassionately. Not with his usual calm exasperation.
Hard. She had worried him. And then proceeded to brush off his worry and treat it like a joke, just because he hadn't caught on quickly. Slansky didn't care about people very often; in a general sense, he tried to do good for everyone that he could. But when he took personal interest? He committed to it. Staring blatantly into her satisfaction was like a slap in the face.
Slansky's eyes turned to the boy. He was handsome, he noted dully, with the blond looks and bright eyes that Slan liked in men. He started forward without saying a word, fixing Akane with another stare, before he took the weight of the blonde from her and assisted him to the edge of the traincar. Slan sat him down and began an evaluation of his injuries.
"I'm Slansky Kirov," he said in shiftertongue, with some semblance of kindness.
"Richard. Or Richie." The rattlesnake shifter sent Akane a haphazard, nervous glance. Slansky turned the kid's face to the side and assessed the bruise. "How'd you get that shiner?"
"I don't know. I got in a fight with these people outside of this desert, and I ended up running... and. Yeah."
Throughout the duration of this, he did not say a word to Akane.
Let it bite you then, it was startling to her. There was no ounce of Akane that thought that Slan deserved pain or danger because he didn’t do what she wanted him to, and the realization that because Slan’s feelings had gotten hurt pushed him to care less about her made her question their friendship.
What was more, when he moved forward she at first thought it was to help her with Richard when in fact it was just to help Richard. Huh. He went from ‘gonna kill him’ to … what? Akane huffed, crossed her arms and leaned against the train car, listening to their exchanges. Slan had never taken that kind of care and tone with her ever, and she was alarmed to realize she was jealous.
It was a selfish moment on Akane’s behalf that she instantly forgot about Richard’s well-being in favor of her own sheer irritation that Slan snubbed her, and it made her furious. How had this gone from her helping a new guy to Slan stealing the show? What was more, it was usually almost impossible to hurt the girls feelings ...
Her eyes rolled again as she huffed, and she silently mocked Slan as he fawned over Richard. Fine then, she snorted to herself and stalked away grumbling toward the camp for rations. Her impressive glower caught the attention of one or two other Ring members, who gossiped about a lovers quarrel … she cracked.
”I really wouldn’t be worried about it!” she growled. ”I’ve been replaced,” she snapped then realized a good dozen people looked at her curiously. ”What?!” she demanded impetuously. ”Anyone looking for a roommate?”
Her foot kicked a plant and sent pebbles flying. Part of her knew she was being irrational, but sometimes Slan drove her insane. First, he treats her like an idiot, but when she shows him there’s nothing to fear he gets mad at HER. Reaching the rations she took her share with a grunt of gratitude, and took the cracked bowl down the dunes and away from camp.
In the darkness she sat, setting the bowl of untouched rations beside her and stewed. In the distance, she could hear the fire crackle and quiet murmuring … so she stood, leaving the plate and wandered away into the nightfall.
"Um. She left." This was said in English. Richard glanced at Slansky, realized that the man had not understood, and repeated in shiftertongue.
Slansky hadn't glanced behind him, but he had felt Akane's absence. Now he snorted. "She probably went to get rations." Quite frankly? He didn't give a shit at that second. He was angry with her--that, or embarrassed. She had acted like he was stupid, and although he hated to admit it, Slan knew that he was overreacting. That did not lesson the sting of the insult. She had spat in the face of his concern.
Richard, Slansky decided, was not the brightest boy he had ever met. But he was clever enough to catch on to the fact that something was amiss between Slan and the girl. Initially he had treated Slansky with distrust, eyeing the dunes for the reappearance of Akane. Eventually Slansky won him over, probably because he was the one tending to the boy's wounds, and explaining the whole Menagerie business to him.
Richie warmed up, and Slansky decided that he was a nice enough man. Apparently he hadn't been aware of the fact that he was a shifter until shortly before arriving to the Menagerie. Either way, Slansky had gotten over his initial distrust to feel a bit of pity for Richard.
"How did they catch you?" Slan had asked, leaning against the side of the railcar as Richie struggled to keep his eyes open.
"Blood test--nothing all that crazy." Richie had slipped with his language again, and amended himself after a second.
Eventually, Slansky offered the guy a place to sleep, which he took pretty graciously. He was polite, too, if nothing else. The Czech-Russian thought that the kid was out before his head hit the pillow. Slansky shut the door as quietly as possible, and stood out in the night, wishing he had a cigarette.
She was so ridiculous. He set out to get his rations, his hands shoved into his pockets, his eyes furious. When he reached camp, he heard some murmurs and jests, which only earned a couple stony stares. Eventually one woman approached him, Gale, and she said that Akane had gone off by herself.
"Do I look like her keeper?" Slansky had snapped, without thinking. He felt bad at it when she flinched at the word "keeper", and he promised the older woman that he would go look for his friend, mostly out of guilt. (And he had to admit, the idea of Akane wandering around at night by herself unsettled him). Gale was one of the few that believed their relationship was purely platonic, so Slan had to give her something, even if the idea of running into his roommate seemed to enrage him.
He was hungry, and tired. She had worried him sick in about ten seconds, and then had mocked him for his concern. And then she had to act like a child, and run off, right? Slansky was wondering what the hell was going on, when he saw a series of footprints in the sand, heading out into the desert. With a scowl and a sigh, he shifted and started out at a brisk pace (one that was easy to maintain even in the height) after her. His nostrils flared with her scent, and he breathed in the scent of the night with a mix of appreciation and annoyance. He should have been eating, not going for a run.
Eventually she became a lonely silhouette in the darkness. He picked up his pace once he saw her, and came up beside her with an angry toss of his head and stomp of his hooves. A flick of his tail, and silence ensued, during which the stallion hardly batted a lash. He was just making sure she was safe, like he always seemed to be doing. Ungrateful girl.
It had been almost an hour, and Akane was beginning to cool off. Still, it didn’t settle with her how hot and cold that man was, and instead of bickering and causing drama she had decided to give them space. Besides, Slan could probably explain things to Richard better anyway and he’d had more practice at it. A rock was tossed down the dunes and she sighed.
In the distance she could hear hooves, and the sound of angered breath … she could almost feel the annoyance radiating off the stallion that had stopped beside her. She had sat with her knees pulled up to her chest and her chin resting atop her arms, brooding as the wind trickled through her long hair.
What? she wanted to snap but did not. Instead she remained still, seething quietly. Her anger was like a dormant volcano now … ready to blow at just the right time. Who the hell did he think he was?
Akane wasn’t an idiot. She was careful, always tried to be polite, stay out of the way, and Slansky still managed to treat her like she was a complete moron; yelling at her to watch herself about everything, and never giving her the benefit of the doubt. It was complete bullshit! He didn’t babysit anyone else like that, and even the stupid snake kid received better treatment from him!
Her shoulders hunched, and she ground her jaw … willing herself to be silent. Typical. It was so typical of a man to treat a woman like she couldn’t tie her own shoes, and now when she had tried to help someone she caught flack for it. See if she tried that again.
He was still standing during her entire internal tirade. There was part of her that wanted him to go away, but another part made her feel that she would be sad if he left. The second part was also aware that she was slightly pleased he had bothered to come and find her, but immediately yet another was irritated that should couldn’t even catch some alone time after dark because he thought her so careless.
Can’t win, she thought distantly. In the mix of what to do, she had simply remained silent, though it was a expectant silence, as if she were just about to speak. She would have, if anything other than ‘what’ had come to mind … but it did not, and anything else would have simply been spiteful which was bad for your complexion.
Slansky only glanced at her once, and briefly. His left ear flicked in her direction, and his eyes followed suit, so that he could assess her sidelong with a horse's wide line of vision. Her expression didn't show it, but Slansky knew she was angry. If she wasn't, she would have spoken to him by now.
And what right does she have to be upset? he thought. She scared the holy shit out of me, with that damn snake. The bottom line? Slansky cared about her. The image that it had painted in his head was an unpleasant one, and she had treated the whole thing like a joke.
But there he was, watching her ass, uncharacteristically still and silent. There was no remnant of his dry humor, nor his exasperation. Minutes passed in silence, and Slansky eventually shifted into his human form. He said nothing as he lowered himself a foot from her side, his knees bent. He leaned forward, his elbows resting against them.
He wasn't about to break the silence. Slansky didn't care, at this point, if she didn't say anything to him for a week. At least he kept her alive.
As the minutes ticked by and Akane ranted in her mind, she could see they were getting nowhere. They were in a silent stand-off and both were too proud to break it. After a while, she sighed, rose to her feet, then looked Slan dead in the eye. There was no communication behind it, no expression, no warmth. Her hand cuffed the side of his arm and she turned and walked slowly back to the train-car. After a few minutes, Slan followed without a word.
When she reached the train-car, her eyes fell on the spot by the open door where she had worried down the rug with her claws the night of the attack. The memory of her huddled behind the box for hours was only a flash, but it set her on edge enough that she took a deep breath before stepping up the stool and pulling herself up easily into the car.
After standing she froze, staring at Richard who had fallen asleep in their bed. His bed, she corrected sharply. There was a large part of her that jack hammered the knowledge that she was there on Slan’s sufferance only, and part of the reason she had insisted on staying with him … well, she didn’t quite know but the other reason was he had been alone. She had wanted to thank him by keeping him company, and in the end she simply had liked being here.
Stitching him up had somehow sealed their friendship, and they had never really spoken about that day. Suddenly she was so tired, and she shifted, curled up in the far corner with her back to Slansky and Richard … and feigned sleep.
Instead, her mind was running a mile a minute with questions she could not answer. Why did this all bother her so much? What was the big deal? And just that suddenly Akane was filled with a fierce ache right down to her toes, and for the first time in a long time she questioned whether or not she had done the right thing.
Slansky, upon returning to the train-car, had expected to be able to fall asleep quickly. This was not the case. He was reduced to a restless mess, as he sometimes had been in the past during a difficult case. His eyes had gone to the small fox in the corner, and he almost felt guilty for it. Maybe it was this guilt that drove him to scrounge up a blanket and gently drape it over Akane as she slept. It may have been in the desert and springtime, but the nights could still be cold, especially when they weren't sharing a bed.
He only felt awkward when he tried to think of a way to sleep. The kid was splayed out on Slan's makeshift bed, and eventually he nudged the rattler aside just enough for to shrug himself under the covers and keep a few inches of space between them. He figured that Richie wouldn't be particularly enthused to wake up spooning. Heh, Akane would give him hell--
His thoughts broke off, then. He had to remind himself that he was angry with her. Sometime after that, he fell asleep.
He didn't know what time it was when he startled awake, because something was wrong. There was a moment's disorientation when he did not recognize the body pressed against his, because Richard had turned over and now had his face nudged against Slan's shoulder blades. He was edging away when he realized that was not, in fact, what had woken him.
It was the sound of muffled screaming. He lay there for a long moment, stilling his breath, waiting for it to abate. He heard a thud, and rolled out of bed immediately. Akane. It took too long for his eyes to adjust, and once they did he could only see her vague silhouette, in the corner of the train-car.
She had shifted into her human form. Slansky could not remember her doing that in the past, and it immediately worried him. He pulled himself to his feet and closed the distance between them. It became obvious that she had been the source of the "thud", because she was trashing in her sleep. "Akane, honey." His voice was tired, but soothing, even in shiftertongue. "Akane, wake up."
When she did not respond Slansky knelt beside her and touched the side of her arm--the retaliation was instant. She lashed out, striking him in the side. She let out a choked, frightened noise, and Slansky realized that she must be having a nightmare. He reacted without thinking it through, throwing one leg over her hips to straddle her at the waist. His other hands immediately sought her wrists, to pin them to the ground. He kept her from trashing, and hurting herself. But the fact she was restricted only seemed to cause her more panic. "Akane! Akane, wake up!"
His previous anger had been replaced by raw concern.
Fear ruled her dreams. From the depths of the darkness, her memories had assaulted her until she was reliving that horrible night. For weeks now she had been keeping the trauma and pain from surfacing, and each night in her foxform when she curled up with Slan they seemed content to stay away.
This night, she slept alone – and the fortress she had constructed against succumbing to her nightmares seized their opportunity with delighted hunger, picking up where they had left off weeks ago.
Akane couldn’t help herself, the anger and fear in her mother’s voice shot directly into her heart and she ducked back around the open window in time to see Sakura whirling here and there, dancing from one astonished man to another before a dark figure cracked Akane’s Keroppi alarm-clock against the back of Sakura’s head.
A scream of protest, anger, and pain resonated from Akane’s being causing the men to pause and look toward the window – but it was empty. On the ground as a red fox, Akane had slipped from the roof and shifted to land black paws in the grass silently. Her light eyes penetrated the darkness as she dashed down the side yard and over the back fence.
There, she watched several vehicles parked in front of the house and her attention was drawn to two men who struggled with what looked like a dog. Her nose picked up not the scent of canine, but lupine.
The wolf was huge and near black. Electric prods and chains were used to seize the animal that rumbled with an anger unlike any Akane had seen. Once they had gotten him into the cage, he slammed against the bars again and again teeth snapping and roars furious. As the loaded him into the truck the creatures light eyes caught Akane amongst the bushes, and she recognized them instantly.
”Daddy!” she whispered. He could shift too? What about her mother? How could they lie to her? Distracted by the shock of watching these men take her family Akane had shifted back into a girl, and abstractedly as she dreamed she realized that it had been a mistake.
Her vision went black as a dark bag was forced over her head, and she screamed in terror the sound echoing down the empty street and off the surrounding dark houses. Distantly she heard a howl, and somehow the culminated feeling of strength and rebellion was clear to her. The Hushers didn’t go down without a fight, and with that thought Akane rallied.
A weight pushed her down and pinned her, immediately her hips shifted to the side to free a knee and she kicked the weight’s chest hard. Somehow she had managed to get the bag off her head, only to be seized from behind by her hair with a hand around her mouth.
Without thought her body had taken over the evasive maneuvers her father had drilled into her for years now, and she slipped from hold to hold like water, using tooth and claw as she screamed again from the bruising force of the hands that grabbed at her.
It took too long. She had not been fast enough and there were too many hands that snatched at her then slammed her to the ground. Looking up, she saw it: Rolling out of the front of her house was a lifeless body on a gurney, and with the bump of the step from the porch her mother’s hand slipped from beneath the sheet. Blood dripped down the arm that swung limply … and she screamed again in anger and disbelief.
It was then the electrical prod hit her and she slipped away into darkness …. With a start she had awoken in his arms, crushed against him and it panicked her. She kicked again and flailed before she heard his voice, and he released her. She scrambled backward into the wall where her grey eyes were alit with fear and pain, tears streamed down her cheeks as she panted in the darkness.
She remained frozen against the side of the car, her heart thundering and she remembered. She had not wanted to but now she knew, she remembered … her mother was dead. It was too much. The weeks she had spent keeping herself collected and easy going shattered into a million pieces and she broke and buried her head in her hands as she sobbed.
Slansky knew all about nightmares. But it had been over a year since he had woken up in the middle of the night, trashing and letting out muffled screams. He could still remember them, though. After Demaovich, fire had been an almost reoccurring nightmare, something that he suppressed during the day but punished him every night. That's the past, he reminded himself. He hadn't had a legitimate nightmare since being let out into the Menagerie.
He did not try to approach her once she woke. He merely looked her over, and then upon hearing the sounds of her muffled sobs, Slan winced. "Shhh, shh. Its okay." He knew that was always a lie in the Menagerie, but it was worth a shot. Slansky moved towards her very slowly, like he would a cornered animal, until he wrapped his arms around her shoulders and brought her to him. He was kneeling in front of her, the result was almost an awkward position, with her cradled against his chest.
"Shhh. Its alright now. You're awake. " He set himself back, stroked some of the hair out of her eyes, and set to wiping the descending tears with his calloused thumb. "What did you see?" Slan asked, and then rethought the question. "If you don't want to say, don't."
Akane let him comfort her, allowing his arms and not pushing him away when he had pulled her against him. She hadn’t stopped crying, and through the tears she had begun to mumble something over and over. When he sat back, she did not look at him – she couldn’t.
The girl hated to cry at all let alone in front of another person, but it was a distant feeling. The whole of her being was focused on the grief of accepting that she would never see her mother again, and the mumbling mutated into blasts of sobs and words were clearer.
I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, she whispered over and over in every language she knew. Her apology spread the cycle of everything she had ever done, even apologizing for this very moment that she had woken him up for such a stupid reason. Her words were barely audible, and her tone was that of person not expecting forgiveness.
She was sorry her mother had died, that her father had been taken. She was sorry that she had not been a better daughter. Sorry that she had not been more careful. It was her fault her mother was dead, sorry she had been such a burden, that she always seemed to be a problem to Slan and that she fought so much with him ... all encompassed by those little words she whispered over and over.
His heart went out to her, but Slansky was also overcome by a sense of helplessness. He had never done well with tears. Even as a kid, after the death of his father, he could just remember a sort of numbness that kept him from crying--even when he saw his mother breaking down, bit by bit.
Now he thought he was seeing someone being shattered. That was what he made him think. Shattered.
He became aware of the fact that she was repeating two words, over and over again, her tone changing drastically from one second to the next. He didn't know what to say. He didn't know what she was apologizing for. Christ's sake, he didn't know why she was crying. Slansky shifted so that he was beside her, leaning against the wall of the train-car, and after a second's awkward hesitation, he reached out and pulled her to his arms again. He held her close, stroking back her hair. He did not bother with "calming sounds" or anything soothing like that. He didn't know how to manage it, and after another long silence, he began to speak.
"It's okay. I forgive you, for whatever it is, Akane. It gets better." His voice was quiet, but oddly thick. He had a feeling she was not only apologizing to him. "I know it doesn't seem like it right now. Right now you're so raw that everything hurts, and you can't do anything about it. You can't change a damn thing, and that hurts." He was beginning to figure that whatever had evoked this had to be before the Menagerie, because he had been with her nearly every moment since she arrived. He had never asked what had happened, or how she had gotten there. He had never asked what her life was like before.
"Just let it out." A cliche statement, but he didn't know what else to do, and the helplessness maddened him.
Last Edit: Jun 17, 2013 1:03:49 GMT -5 by Slansky Kirov
He had just lied. It gets better. She allowed him to comfort her until those words, and when uttered those words her crying stopped almost altogether. There in the night, held in the arms of the man that she considered a friend Akane turned to him.
”It gets better?” she replied in exasperated shiftertongue. ”How dare you. How dare you lie to me,” she said, though her tone was more hurt and meek than demanding and accusational. Her fingers grabbed at his shirt. Akane had never been fond of self-pity and she punched him in the chest – though she was weak as a kitten from crying, and the force was almost non-existent.
”It doesn’t get better, Slan! You of all people have taught me that!” she sniffed then looked to her shaking hands as they gripped into frail fists. ”I killed my mother, is that what you wanted to hear? She’s dead because of me. You hate it here as much as everyone else. I will die here never seeing my family again, knowing that I was the cause of their death,” she calmed and her voice became more remote … less passionate.
”I’m sorry,” she whispered again in shiftertongue.”I’m sorry I have been such a bother. I’m sorry I worried you earlier, and I’m sorry I have tried you’re patience in staying here.” Her eyes drifted to the boy who still somehow slept in Slan’s bed. ”I’m sure I have overstayed my welcome ,” her fingers released his shirt and though she did not move from him she made it clear that if he wished to move from her she understood.
Slansky felt bad for her. He empathized. Everyone had lost someone in the Menagerie; everyone had experienced heartbreak. But that was no reason to turn on him, her fury so weak that his pity only intensified at first. But it also managed to spark the first bit of anger in him.
This girl was so far removed from the Akane he knew that he was momentarily sick, and then questioning whether or not he knew Akane at all. What had she been hiding from him? Because, with this reaction, Slansky figured that she had been keeping something locked away, rotting at her core.
The first time she had struck him, Slansky released her. His comforting words stopped, and his eyes turned to slits in the darkness. It was the sheer hopelessness in her tone that pissed him off, the accusations (both towards him and towards herself) made his fists clench, and he moved away from her, to stand. It was back to the restless pacing, then, until the Czech-Russian paused and rested his forehead against the wall, standing to the side of her looking down.
"I have taught you nothing about loss," he stated, simply, and with a hardness to his voice that spoke of suppressed anger. "Do you think you're the only one who has felt like this, Akane? Every one in this dome has lost their family. The lucky ones were just stolen from them. The unlucky ones watched their loved ones fall apart in various forms of slaughter. I will never see my mother again, and the last time I saw her, I said some of the most hateful things I can remember telling anyone in my life."
He could not accept self-pity, even in a place of such desolation, such heartbreak. He straightened. "Unless you held the gun to their heads, you didn't cause their deaths." His voice contained a quiet anger to it. Everything was survivable. You might not want to live through it, but it was possible. He cleared his throat. "If you had ever outstayed your welcome, I would have told you. So stop being ridiculous. I just expect you to understand that I care about you, and you shrugging away that concern pisses me off, Akane. I don't go out of my way to make sure very many people are safe, but I've done that for you and... That's that." His voice was angry and thick, choked with feelings that he often suppressed. He was accustomed to being alone.
"If you would rather live with someone else, go ahead. But you seem to have come under this cloud of guilt, and so I'm betting you'd be as much of a liability to someone else as you are to me." The last bit was delivered dryly, tactlessly. After Slan said it, he felt like it might be something he should take back.
Last Edit: Jun 17, 2013 1:47:19 GMT -5 by Slansky Kirov
Shock. Her light eyes were wide in the darkness. He contradicted himself even as he spoke. He was teaching her about loss this moment, teaching her that if you had nothing left, there was nothing else to value. She had never assumed she was the only one who had lost her family, nor had she assumed anyone else had it easy… that had been her entire point. That it didn’t get easier, that everyone had loss and it just got harder was the truth that had pushed her to call him a liar.
Every second had culminated to that moment; his pride came before her well-being … and in Akane’s experience, that was not true friendship.
With each word her anger grew and grew. He was heartless, prideful, and altogether an immature twit. In the face of her fear and sheer need of understanding, he had made it clear that he cared more about his superiority and level with her than he did her mental or emotional health.
Let it bite you, echoed in her memory and she knew that instant that it was the last time she would stay in the same room with Slanksy Kirov.
”You, are an asshole,” she whispered in shiftertongue. ”I’m sorry to have ever bothered you. Clearly, you are damaged beyond all repair, even to the extent of comforting a stupid girl with nighmares,” she trembled as she levered herself up the wall to her feet. There was no part of her that was okay, but Husher’s daughter would be damned if she was spoken to like this.
”It doesn’t get better, but guess what? You’re stupid and selfish if you think any experience you’ve had makes you stronger or more pathetic than anyone else,” she said with hurt, tears still streaming down her cheeks.
”I am sorry for you. Very sorry ,” her tone was completely different than a moment ago. Grasping her own consciousness and being taught that she couldn’t trust even this guy with her feelings made her bristle and rally. At the same time, she felt sad and empty.
There was so much she wanted to say that was spiteful … her head was full of it – but there was no way she would bother to return this insult … he had betrayed her trust and intimacy. To her, that was unforgivable above all else; condemning someone in the face of their deepest hurts was unforgivable .. and she was only fifteen.
He was not the Slan she had gotten to know … and she shook her head in disappointment and defeat. She slipped into the darkness, her voice full of emotion.
”I’d rather be a burden, than an unwanted and uncaring outcast,” she said quietly.
He must have felt like a big man picking on a slight of a girl upset from loosing her family. It didn't matter. Akane would find her father, without his help. She didn't need him ... or anyone else.
It didn't take him more than a second to realize that what he had said had been the wrong thing.
That wasn't what I meant to say, he thought, but he choked on the words as she turned on him, like she should have, a cornered animal that had been struck. You are an asshole.
”I’m sorry to have ever bothered you. Clearly, you are damaged beyond all repair, even to the extent of comforting a stupid girl with nightmares." Slansky flinched, opened his mouth and began a reply--only to cut it off mid-breath. What could he say? I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry? The same mantra that she had repeated only moments before, when he had held her tight?
Each one of her words was like a lash. Slansky did not show it, but there was a part of him that was breaking--and he had no right to break, because it was startling to clear. I just hurt her. I hurt her badly. And he didn't know how to fix it--he was stranded with that same sense of helplessness.
His speechlessness was broken with her final statement. ”I’d rather be a burden, than an unwanted and uncaring outcast.” It spurred him into response, and he followed her without hesitating. At first, he thought she had disappeared entirely--but then her only place of sanctuary came to mind. She must have hidden.
Slansky knelt, and turned to peer into the darkness beneath the train-car. "I didn't mean for it to come out like that, Akane. Christ, I just sounded like a kid throwing a temper tantrum... Christ." His voice was pleading. And he felt feeble, because how the hell was she supposed to know he was serious? How was she supposed to know that he wasn't just being a pathetic man, just as she had implied, trying to scramble for words that would fix nothing? I hadn't meant to be cruel. "I... I don't know how to deal with things like this. It helped me--Shit. I need to stop talking about me. I'm sorry. God, I'm so sorry."
He struggled for words to use, his voice so raw. He never meant to hurt people he cared about. It happens, every time. "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry that you lost your mother and your family, and there isn't anything to make that better right now." His voice cracked with this new-found desperation. He had a flash of him being alone again, of no longer waiting in the evening for her to come home. Not only that, but of Akane, going off without someone to look after her. She would be fine, he knew. She was strong and resilient... And she had lasted this long without saying a thing about her mother. That was more strength then he had seen in post people, and for a moment, the idea of losing that in his life was something that struck him deeply. She would be fine. Slansky, on the other hand? How would he fair? Stop thinking about yourself, jackass. "You have never been a burden, Akane... I didn't mean for it to come out like that. For Christ's sake, don't you know how happy you living with me makes me? I'm so used to being alone, and you showed me what it was like to have a friend."
I've messed this up. I've messed this up completely. I am... Jesus, I'm as stupid and selfish as she just said I was. I'm acting like a child. And she was the young one. What hell kind of twenty-eight year old was he? "I... I. I'm so sorry."
The same mantra, over and over, but he didn't know what else to say. That by telling her she was not the only one who felt this, he had been trying to comfort her? That he had wished someone had told him that he was not the only one, years ago, when he had been so alone with his own misery. But she wasn't him, and he should have known that. "Was your father a shifter? Would he have been brought here?"
And then he was quiet for a breath. He didn't even know if she was still there. "I wasn't trying to make it sound like there wasn't a point to keep going, either, Akane... I just... I know I said everyone has lost family here, and that's true, but no one feels the same thing and... have you not noticed how many people have made new lives for themselves? It isn't the world, it won't ever be the same... But people will love you, and befriend you, and... I'm sorry I haven't done a better job at that. There are new families to be made, Akane--they won't ever replace your old one, but it life isn't pointless, either." He was fumbling with his words, always fumbling.
I'm a damn idiot, Slansky thought. I am an honest-to-God idiot! He was trying, so hard, to make things okay again.
Last Edit: Jun 17, 2013 3:33:31 GMT -5 by Slansky Kirov
The night kept her well hidden, curled into a foxball beneath the train. Though her face was hidden, her large black-tipped ears twitched as she listened to him - then lay back as she thought of what he had said before. It still hurt. She felt scraped bare, as if she was already raw and her chest hurt too much. …don’t you know how happy you living with me makes me? It was that moment that caused Akane’s head to pop up, her eyes glimmering in the darkness.
After he stopped babbling, Akane was quiet for a long time but she knew he was still there. Slowly, she crept from under the train her red and white vixen face colorless in the night. There he remained on his knees, a look of defeat cast upon him. Her nose twitched, and he looked up. She held his gaze for long moments, seeming to search for something.
Then, without warning she scurried out from under the train, and in a heartbeat she had shifted back into a girl and was hugging him fiercely. She sniffled, and squeezed him tight. It was decided then for her that Slan would be part of this new family, he could be an idiot … but maybe that’s why he needed her. They needed each other, no matter how much they fought.
”I don’t want to leave you. I will stay,” she whispered. ”I will stay, I promise.” Tears continued to roll down her cheeks. It was a complicated feeling, guilt, sorrow, hurt, happiness, comfort all rolled into one.
He waited in the breathless silence for a reply, but for minutes none came. He sat mentally chastising himself (only, "chastising" was too weak a word). He thought that she might have left already, and maybe she was out there in the desert by herself. And it is my fault, Slansky thought. I'll have to find her. This isn't the time to be running around by herself--there's Carna and rogues and--
His thoughts broke off as the familiar little kitsune crept from under the train-car. He released a breath that he hadn't known he was holding. Slan met her gaze, looking for some sign of forgiveness, and not sure what he saw. His own eyes, however, held a pleading note. It was not often that Slansky let things like that come through, but he had messed up, and he felt like he had to fix whatever there was to fix before she decided that it couldn't be repaired.
Relief was an understatement when she burst towards him, shifted, and wrapped her slender arms around his neck. Slansky returned the hug, holding her in a vice grip. "Spasibo, dorogaya." He spoke in Russian. He was better in that language, and the words evoked a strange memory, of his father saying it one morning when he left for work. Slansky did not remember what it had been for, but he had directed it at his mother, and he had meant it.
Slansky held her close and tight; he didn't know for how long. Eventually, he led her back to the train-car, where he fell asleep with the fox nestled on one side of him and the rattler on the other--but he remained facing Akane.
